When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her,"but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much smarter than men.
Labels: men, Men vs Women, money, Old Men, Wise, Women
¶ 8/23/2007 08:23:00 PM
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside
Restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant
and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her
glasses on the table and she didn't miss them until after they had been
driving about 20 minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance
before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the
restaurant to retrieve her glasses. All the way back, the elderly husband
became the classic grouchy old man.
He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire
return drive. The more he scolded her, the more agitated he became.
He just wouldn't let up one minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at
the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to
retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her.
"While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card!"
Labels: General, Life, men, Men vs Women, Old Men
¶ 8/17/2007 01:29:00 PM There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses.
The results are pretty interesting:
1. 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.
2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.
3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him. He's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.
Labels: men, Men vs Women, playonwords, US, Women
¶ 7/18/2007 12:45:00 PM REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, July 12th, 2007
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8
PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at
7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting
The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The
Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries
and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued
to the survivors. Check specials in your coupon books, and do not
leave them laying around where the ol lady will find them.
Labels: men, Men vs Women, wife
¶ 7/09/2007 07:43:00 AM A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf,medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my
God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?" She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known, and even did a few things she had never done with any other man.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says..
"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf!"
Labels: men
¶ 6/22/2007 09:40:00 PM 
