My five-year old students are learning to read.
Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, 'Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!'
I took a deep breath, then asked, "What did you call it?"
"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"

And so it does...

Hooked on phonics! Gotta love it...

Labels: animals, could_be_true, funny_stories, General, kids

¶ 8/03/2008 08:52:00 PM

The local vicar was making his rounds on a bicycle, when he came  upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.
"How much do you want for the mower?", asked the vicar.
The young boy thought for a moment, then replied "I just want enough money to go out and buy a bicycle."
After a moment of consideration, the vicar asked, "Will you take my bike in exchange for it?"
The boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, he said, "You've got yourself a deal!"
The vicar took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower. He called the boy over and said, "I can't seem to get it to start."
"That's because you have to swear at it to get it started."
The vicar said,  "I can't swear. It's been so long since I became a Vicar, I don't even remember how to swear."
The little boy looked at him happily and said, 'If you keep pulling on that rope for long enough, it'll soon come back to you."

Labels: funny_stories, General, kids, religion

¶ 8/03/2008 03:37:00 AM

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 ½ years old & had gotten me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favourite toys.

My daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a cup of “tea”, which was just water.

After several cups of my tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mother came home.

Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest little thing!'

My mother waited, and sure enough, there I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, 'Did it ever occur to you the only place she can reach to get any water is in the toilet?'

Labels: funny_stories, General, kids

¶ 8/03/2008 12:26:00 AM

It was opening night at the Glasgow Empire and "The Amazing Claude" was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced that unlike most stage hypnotists, who invite 2 or 3 people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, he intended to hypnotize the whole audience. The atmosphere was electric as he withdrew a beautiful antique watch from his coat. "I want you to keep your eyes on this watch. It is a very special watch. It has been in my family for six generation".
Then he began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.....".
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off it's polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotists fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into dozens of pieces.
"Shit!!", said the hypnotist...
It took five days to clean up the theatre.

Labels: funny_stories, General

¶ 10/01/2007 12:50:00 PM