Banged up Pirate

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and the talk turns to their adventures. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. "How did you end up with the peg leg?" he asks.

The pirate replies, "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. As my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" says the seaman. "What about your hook?"

"Well," answers the pirate, "we were boarding a ship when one of the enemy hacked off my hand."

"Incredible!" says the seaman. "How’d you get the eye patch?"

"A seagull crapped in my eye," the pirate replies.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the seaman asks.

"Well," says the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook."

Labels: Boom Boom, General

  ¶ 9/05/2007 11:40:00 AM

  Not a Word

One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.

Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don´t know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...

The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't´ help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I´ll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I´ll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.

The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn't´make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!"

Labels: General, Men vs Women, money, Old Men

  ¶ 9/05/2007 11:37:00 AM