'Tickling the Bone'
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Diver
One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level.
He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba
gear whatsoever.
The diver went below another 20 ft, but the guy joined him a few
minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the
same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board
set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep
without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written,
and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!" ¶ 4/19/2005 12:18:00 AM
One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level.
He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba
gear whatsoever.
The diver went below another 20 ft, but the guy joined him a few
minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the
same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board
set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep
without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written,
and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!" ¶ 4/19/2005 12:18:00 AM
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Apples and Grapes
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy....... The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now Men....
Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. ¶ 4/13/2005 08:51:00 PM
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy....... The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now Men....
Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. ¶ 4/13/2005 08:51:00 PM
A pirate walked into a bar
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible". "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine" "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now". "Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really". "What about that eye patch?" "Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye". "You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird doo-doo?" "It was my first day with the hook" ¶ 4/13/2005 02:26:00 PM
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible". "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine" "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now". "Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really". "What about that eye patch?" "Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye". "You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird doo-doo?" "It was my first day with the hook" ¶ 4/13/2005 02:26:00 PM
Saturday, April 02, 2005
85yr Old Newly Wed
At 85 years of age, Morris marries LouAnne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, LouAnne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.After the wedding festivities, LouAnne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of LouAnne, and she prepares to go to sleep.After a few minutes, LouAnne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action! Somewhat surprised, LouAnne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses LouAnne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves.LouAnne is set to go to sleep again. However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again. Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another.As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, honey, I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once! You're a great lover, Morris."Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to LouAnne and says, "You mean I was here already?" ¶ 4/02/2005 12:16:00 AM
At 85 years of age, Morris marries LouAnne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, LouAnne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.After the wedding festivities, LouAnne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of LouAnne, and she prepares to go to sleep.After a few minutes, LouAnne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action! Somewhat surprised, LouAnne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses LouAnne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves.LouAnne is set to go to sleep again. However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again. Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another.As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, honey, I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once! You're a great lover, Morris."Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to LouAnne and says, "You mean I was here already?" ¶ 4/02/2005 12:16:00 AM
