'Tickling the Bone'
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Michael Jackson: What to Wear In Court
Click on the image for a full size version...
¶ 2/27/2005 11:20:00 PM
Click on the image for a full size version...
¶ 2/27/2005 11:20:00 PM
An old man and woman...
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.The old woman would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"Neighbors feared her They believed she practiced blackmagic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.The old woman liked the fact that she was feared. To everyone's relief, she died of a heart attack when she was 68.He had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, he went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.His neighbors, concerned for his safety, asked,"Aren't you afraid that she may indeed be able to dig her way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?"The Man put down his drink and said, "Let her dig.
I had her buried upside down......." ¶ 2/27/2005 04:02:00 AM
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.The old woman would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"Neighbors feared her They believed she practiced blackmagic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.The old woman liked the fact that she was feared. To everyone's relief, she died of a heart attack when she was 68.He had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, he went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.His neighbors, concerned for his safety, asked,"Aren't you afraid that she may indeed be able to dig her way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?"The Man put down his drink and said, "Let her dig.
I had her buried upside down......." ¶ 2/27/2005 04:02:00 AM
Saturday, February 26, 2005
How To Shower Like a Woman/Man
How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed. ¶ 2/26/2005 12:41:00 AM
How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed. ¶ 2/26/2005 12:41:00 AM
Friday, February 25, 2005
GOOD WEED!
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?"The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come on up and have some."So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and he's going to get a drink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.A crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking ajoint with a monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.The crocodile says he has to check out this pot smoking monkey so he walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you monkey!"The monkey looks down and says durn dude........how much water did you drink?" ¶ 2/25/2005 08:15:00 AM
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?"The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come on up and have some."So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and he's going to get a drink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.A crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking ajoint with a monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.The crocodile says he has to check out this pot smoking monkey so he walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you monkey!"The monkey looks down and says durn dude........how much water did you drink?" ¶ 2/25/2005 08:15:00 AM
Federal job
Mr. Johnson went to interview for a Federal job.The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?""Yes, I served two tours in Afghanistan.""Good, that counts in your favor. Do you have any service-relateddisabilities?""I am 100% disabled. A mortar round blew off my testicles so theydeclared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though.""Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I canhire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10,and we'll get you started.""If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come ! at 10?""Well, this is a government organization. We don't do anything but sitaround and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point of you coming in for that ¶ 2/25/2005 07:22:00 AM
Mr. Johnson went to interview for a Federal job.The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?""Yes, I served two tours in Afghanistan.""Good, that counts in your favor. Do you have any service-relateddisabilities?""I am 100% disabled. A mortar round blew off my testicles so theydeclared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though.""Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I canhire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10,and we'll get you started.""If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come ! at 10?""Well, this is a government organization. We don't do anything but sitaround and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point of you coming in for that ¶ 2/25/2005 07:22:00 AM
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Ol' Fred and the preacher
Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.
He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube!" ¶ 2/19/2005 02:30:00 AM
Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.
He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube!" ¶ 2/19/2005 02:30:00 AM
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Blonde
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled , "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida.......?????"
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" ¶ 2/15/2005 04:07:00 AM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled , "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida.......?????"
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" ¶ 2/15/2005 04:07:00 AM
Friday, February 11, 2005
Ananova - Crocs to solve chicken problem
Ananova - Crocs to solve chicken problem: "Crocs to solve chicken problem
A giant chicken farm has solved the problems of disposing with unwanted birds - by building a crocodile farm next door.
The chicken farm, in Jevisovice in South Moravia, has to dispose of 50,000 undersized chickens every year, reports Czech daily Mlada fronta Dnes.
The huge farm sells 10 million chickens each year but cannot find buyers for birds weighing less than three pounds.
Jan Holy, from the Agrodruzstvo Jevisovice co-operative, said: 'The market does not want them and we have to pay to put them down in a carcass disposal plant.
'We plan to breed 1,000 crocodiles to sell for their leather which can fetch up to 350 euros per square metre, and we will also save a small fortune on our chicken disposal costs.'
The farm has imported its hatchling crocodiles from France." ¶ 2/11/2005 02:06:00 PM
Ananova - Crocs to solve chicken problem: "Crocs to solve chicken problem
A giant chicken farm has solved the problems of disposing with unwanted birds - by building a crocodile farm next door.
The chicken farm, in Jevisovice in South Moravia, has to dispose of 50,000 undersized chickens every year, reports Czech daily Mlada fronta Dnes.
The huge farm sells 10 million chickens each year but cannot find buyers for birds weighing less than three pounds.
Jan Holy, from the Agrodruzstvo Jevisovice co-operative, said: 'The market does not want them and we have to pay to put them down in a carcass disposal plant.
'We plan to breed 1,000 crocodiles to sell for their leather which can fetch up to 350 euros per square metre, and we will also save a small fortune on our chicken disposal costs.'
The farm has imported its hatchling crocodiles from France." ¶ 2/11/2005 02:06:00 PM
Burried in the Holy Land
A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and spend only $150.00?" The man replied, "A man died here 2000 years ago, was buried here,and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance." ¶ 2/11/2005 01:49:00 AM
A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and spend only $150.00?" The man replied, "A man died here 2000 years ago, was buried here,and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance." ¶ 2/11/2005 01:49:00 AM
Help Desk Request
A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer.
He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it, and then report it to the Help Desk.
So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it, and I left before he finished the note. About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer, and went to investigate.
The attached picture is what he found. (Click Here)
Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........
¶ 2/11/2005 01:25:00 AM
A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer.
He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it, and then report it to the Help Desk.
So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it, and I left before he finished the note. About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer, and went to investigate.
The attached picture is what he found. (Click Here)
Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........
¶ 2/11/2005 01:25:00 AM
This is a moral story.
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!""This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head inagreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."MORAL OF THE STORY:Women are clever, evil bitches. Don't mess with them.
¶ 2/11/2005 01:22:00 AM
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!""This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head inagreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."MORAL OF THE STORY:Women are clever, evil bitches. Don't mess with them.
¶ 2/11/2005 01:22:00 AM
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Choking
A father walks into a book store with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?" "No," the woman replied. "Divorce attorney."
¶ 2/09/2005 05:41:00 AM
Chicken Farmer
A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me; I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "how did your chickens become fertile?"
" I switched cocks," he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said.
¶ 2/09/2005 05:38:00 AM
A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me; I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "how did your chickens become fertile?"
" I switched cocks," he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said.
¶ 2/09/2005 05:38:00 AM
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
A Florida couple,...
A Florida couple, both well into their 70's, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"
The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare. ¶ 2/08/2005 05:05:00 AM
A Florida couple, both well into their 70's, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"
The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare. ¶ 2/08/2005 05:05:00 AM
Chemistry
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University
of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so
"profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of
enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.
One student, Charles, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So
we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume
that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls
are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions
state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to
Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that
all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order
for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume
of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls
in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman
year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and
take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and
has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a
divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh
my God."
¶ 2/08/2005 02:05:00 AM
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University
of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so
"profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of
enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.
One student, Charles, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So
we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume
that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls
are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions
state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to
Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that
all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order
for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume
of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls
in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman
year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and
take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and
has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a
divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh
my God."
¶ 2/08/2005 02:05:00 AM
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Why is a mini skirt like a greyhound?
¶ 2/01/2005 11:09:00 PM
Why is a mini skirt like a greyhound?
cos most times its only an inch away from the hare!
¶ 2/01/2005 11:09:00 PM
