Friday, March 24, 2006
The Captains Table
Old Navy Story....
We had a new Captain join our ship back in the 80's.
One thing about a UK Royal Navy Captain of a ship is that he gets his own cabin, his own staff (Stewards), has his own chef and his own furniture.
In fact, a Captains life can be a lonely one. He is not allowed into the main officers wardroom without being invited first. Most Captains only get to do this once or twice a week. They may invite another officer (his first officer) to come dine with him, but a Captains life can be quite lonely..
Anyway, I digress. The Steward was telling me that whilst we were on a 6 month deployment to the Gulf, the Captain had shouted to him to come into his room on the double. (At the rush, or quickly for you strawberry mivvies out there - Civvies - i.e. Civilians)
The captain was stood there pointing at his prised dinning table and specifically to a smudge on the highly polished surface of the grand piece of furniture.
The table it transpired had been in his family for generations and was presented by a relative of Admiral Nelson none the less. It deserved to be highly polished and looked after at all times.
He didn't want to see it marked again.
Well anyway, the next morning, the Captain again bellows for the steward to come in, and again he points out a smudge mark on the table close to where the one was the day before.
The steward apologized and said it won't happen again.
Well the next day after that, there was hell to pay. The captain had gone into his room and there was yet another smudge mark on the table. That was the final straw. He main a public ship wide broadcast for the steward to report to his cabin.
He was bellowing about how he was going to court marshall him for dereliction of duty and he wanted to know how he could be so incompetent for letting this happen. He wanted answers and he wanted them now.
Well the Steward had no option other than to tell the captain the truth.
"You see sir", he began, "this is a long trip, and me and the other stewards we get bored, so we decided to have a competition".
"Go On", said the captain.
"Well me and the other stewards have all put 10 pounds into a kitty, and the person with the longest penis wins the pot".
"We have each been taking it turns to put our dicks on the table and we mark off the length on the table", he said.
"Who ever has the longest dick, wins the pot".
Well initially the captain was livid, but then he looked at the table, looked at the mark and sort of started feeling a bit proud.
"How much did you say it was to join in", he asked.
"Ten Pounds sir!", said the steward.
The captain turned around and fetched 10 pounds out of his wallet, walked up to the table, whipped out his impressive looking dick and laid it on the table.
A full 3 inches it went past the dirty mark on the table.
Rather smuggly he turned to the steward, "So what do you reckon to that then sunny boy?".
"Well thats not bad sir", said the steward, "but we have all be standing on the other side of the table." ¶ 3/24/2006 10:15:00 PM
Old Navy Story....
We had a new Captain join our ship back in the 80's.
One thing about a UK Royal Navy Captain of a ship is that he gets his own cabin, his own staff (Stewards), has his own chef and his own furniture.
In fact, a Captains life can be a lonely one. He is not allowed into the main officers wardroom without being invited first. Most Captains only get to do this once or twice a week. They may invite another officer (his first officer) to come dine with him, but a Captains life can be quite lonely..
Anyway, I digress. The Steward was telling me that whilst we were on a 6 month deployment to the Gulf, the Captain had shouted to him to come into his room on the double. (At the rush, or quickly for you strawberry mivvies out there - Civvies - i.e. Civilians)
The captain was stood there pointing at his prised dinning table and specifically to a smudge on the highly polished surface of the grand piece of furniture.
The table it transpired had been in his family for generations and was presented by a relative of Admiral Nelson none the less. It deserved to be highly polished and looked after at all times.
He didn't want to see it marked again.
Well anyway, the next morning, the Captain again bellows for the steward to come in, and again he points out a smudge mark on the table close to where the one was the day before.
The steward apologized and said it won't happen again.
Well the next day after that, there was hell to pay. The captain had gone into his room and there was yet another smudge mark on the table. That was the final straw. He main a public ship wide broadcast for the steward to report to his cabin.
He was bellowing about how he was going to court marshall him for dereliction of duty and he wanted to know how he could be so incompetent for letting this happen. He wanted answers and he wanted them now.
Well the Steward had no option other than to tell the captain the truth.
"You see sir", he began, "this is a long trip, and me and the other stewards we get bored, so we decided to have a competition".
"Go On", said the captain.
"Well me and the other stewards have all put 10 pounds into a kitty, and the person with the longest penis wins the pot".
"We have each been taking it turns to put our dicks on the table and we mark off the length on the table", he said.
"Who ever has the longest dick, wins the pot".
Well initially the captain was livid, but then he looked at the table, looked at the mark and sort of started feeling a bit proud.
"How much did you say it was to join in", he asked.
"Ten Pounds sir!", said the steward.
The captain turned around and fetched 10 pounds out of his wallet, walked up to the table, whipped out his impressive looking dick and laid it on the table.
A full 3 inches it went past the dirty mark on the table.
Rather smuggly he turned to the steward, "So what do you reckon to that then sunny boy?".
"Well thats not bad sir", said the steward, "but we have all be standing on the other side of the table." ¶ 3/24/2006 10:15:00 PM
