Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Top Tips
Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.
High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Olympic athletes. Conceal the fact that you have taken performance enhancing drugs by simply running a little slower
and letting someone else win.
Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your loft.
Motorists.
Enjoy the freedom of cycling by removing your windscreen, sticking half a melon skin on your head, then jumping red lights and driving the wrong way up one way streets.
Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron filings.
A sheet of sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly maps when visiting the Sahara desert.
Toblerone chocolate bars make ideal 'toast racks' for Ritz crackers.
Convince neighbours that you have invented a 'SHRINKING' device by ruffling your
hair, wearing a white laboratory coats and parking a JCB digger outside your house for a few days. Then dim and flicker the lights in your house during the night and replace the JCB unseen, with a Tonka toy of the same description. Watch their faces in the morning!
Only go to the toilet at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.
Feed bees oranges. Hey presto! They make marmalade instead of honey.
Nissan Micra drivers.
Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like sodding dodgem cars anyway, so they may as well look like one.
A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Tape a chocolate bar to the outside of your microwave. If the chocolate melts you will know that the microwaves are escaping and it is time to have the oven serviced.
An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator. ¶ 9/07/2005 01:22:00 PM
Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.
High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Olympic athletes. Conceal the fact that you have taken performance enhancing drugs by simply running a little slower
and letting someone else win.
Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your loft.
Motorists.
Enjoy the freedom of cycling by removing your windscreen, sticking half a melon skin on your head, then jumping red lights and driving the wrong way up one way streets.
Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron filings.
A sheet of sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly maps when visiting the Sahara desert.
Toblerone chocolate bars make ideal 'toast racks' for Ritz crackers.
Convince neighbours that you have invented a 'SHRINKING' device by ruffling your
hair, wearing a white laboratory coats and parking a JCB digger outside your house for a few days. Then dim and flicker the lights in your house during the night and replace the JCB unseen, with a Tonka toy of the same description. Watch their faces in the morning!
Only go to the toilet at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.
Feed bees oranges. Hey presto! They make marmalade instead of honey.
Nissan Micra drivers.
Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like sodding dodgem cars anyway, so they may as well look like one.
A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Tape a chocolate bar to the outside of your microwave. If the chocolate melts you will know that the microwaves are escaping and it is time to have the oven serviced.
An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator. ¶ 9/07/2005 01:22:00 PM
