Thursday, August 25, 2005
Medical Stories
A man comes into the ER and yells,"My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,and began to take off her underwear.Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs.I was in the wrong one.Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderlyand slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall."Big breaths," I instructed."Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news, when I told a wife thather husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction.Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the restof the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly."Now your left." Again, a flawless read."Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even readthe large E on the top line.I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked;he was standing there with both his eyes covered.I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,he informed me, that he was having trouble with one of his medications."Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a newone every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see...Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch, before applyinga new one.Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,"How long have you been bedridden?"After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why? Not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive."Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,"So how's your breakfast this morning?""It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I just can't seem toget used to the taste," the patient replied.I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packetlabeled "KY Jelly."Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman withpurple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoosand wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that thepatient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staffnoticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was atattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on thepatient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassedperforming female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment, he hadunconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged ladyupon whom he was performing this exam, suddenly burst out laughingand further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishlysaid, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I wasan Oscar Meyer Wiener'." ¶ 8/25/2005 06:05:00 PM
A man comes into the ER and yells,"My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,and began to take off her underwear.Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs.I was in the wrong one.Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderlyand slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall."Big breaths," I instructed."Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news, when I told a wife thather husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction.Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the restof the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly."Now your left." Again, a flawless read."Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even readthe large E on the top line.I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked;he was standing there with both his eyes covered.I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,he informed me, that he was having trouble with one of his medications."Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a newone every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see...Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch, before applyinga new one.Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,"How long have you been bedridden?"After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why? Not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive."Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,"So how's your breakfast this morning?""It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I just can't seem toget used to the taste," the patient replied.I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packetlabeled "KY Jelly."Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman withpurple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoosand wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that thepatient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staffnoticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was atattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on thepatient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassedperforming female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment, he hadunconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged ladyupon whom he was performing this exam, suddenly burst out laughingand further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishlysaid, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I wasan Oscar Meyer Wiener'." ¶ 8/25/2005 06:05:00 PM
